


I'll Stay With You

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Brian May, Depression, Feels, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Sometimes, Brian just can't get out of bed.Luckily, Freddie seems to understand.
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	I'll Stay With You

Brian feels both weak and heavy, unable to move due to a simultaneous feeling of lead being tied to his limbs and like he'd just run a marathon. 

He can't get out of bed, and this troubles him deeply, makes those self-deprecating thoughts turn into something more, something that was somehow worse, but Brian can't help himself, and as the world goes on without a care, he feels like he's dying. 

The world seems so dark, so dim, sometimes. It gets hard to breathe when the darkness is at it's worse, and Brian has to remind himself that while the voices, the urges, the depression, is always there, that these days are always temporary. 

It always gets worse during Christmas. 

How ironic- when the world is at its brightest, he always feels the darkest. 

The bed dips, and a slender arm fits itself around Brian, perpetually gentle with the love that Freddie shows, everyday, without a single fail. It should make Brian feel good, and it does, but it also makes the guilt worse. 

Because Brian always has trouble with love. 

"How bad is it?" Freddie whispers, his voice soft. It's a routine question that has become almost natural. 

Brian can barely force the words out. "It's alright." He replied. The lie comes out naturally. 

This was the worst it had been in a long while. 

Freddie stays silent for a long time. His fingers are working at Brian's hair, and untangling the clumps of hair that have become entangled in the last few weeks. He's soft and gentle and loving and- 

_He's more than you deserve._

A whisper, a voice. Brian buried his face in the pillow, eyes squeezed shut because sometimes he can try to convince himself that the voice will go away if he just ignored it but- 

_Why is he here? Because he feels sorry for you? Oh, poor little Brian._

"Don't listen to that little voice, Brimi." Freddie said, his arms moving down so he could squeeze Brian into a tight hug. It feels reassuring in a distant sort of way. "It lies, you know that, right? All lies." 

Brian nodded, but, truth be told, he did believe the words. 

_They only keep you around because they know if they kick you out then you'll go and off yourself. Pitiful little Brimi._

Freddie kissed Brian on the cheek, nose, the side of his mouth, short, chaste, sweet. "Would you like me to sing for you?" He offered. It was typical Freddie, always considerate and kind. 

"Yes, please." Brian whispered, his eyes shut tight. Whether it be because of the light seeping in from the window or because he was tired, so, so tired was a mystery to even himself. 

Freddie cleared his throat, took a deep breathe.

"God bless my soul, here he comes now  
The man with the most how does he do it?  
Sure he's got style he's so heavy  
He's a trip can do anything  
Anything anything  
He's my soul brother-" 

The song still sends shivers up Brian's spine, makes him want to grin with all the happiness he can find within himself, but it also makes him want to cry because _this_ was for him, and _this_ wasn't deserved. 

"He's my best friend he's my champion  
And he will rock you rock you rock you  
'Cause he's the saviour of the universe  
He can make you keep yourself alive  
Make yourself alive  
Ooh brother cause he's somebody somebody  
He can love  
He's my soul brother-" 

Freddie's voice was lilting and melodic. It seemed to push back against the darkness, not completely, but just a little. 

Just a little. 

Minutes pass, and the song eventually ends, but it hangs in the air, not quite going away. Freddie is pressed against him, silent but there, as he always was. 

Brian loved him, and he hoped Freddie knew. Even during these moments where it felt like the world was falling apart at the seams, opening up from below, Brian wanted nothing more than to tell the man beside him that he meant more to Brian than anything and that, despite all these hard times, Brian loved Freddie. 

But the words wouldn't come out. 

"I know, Bri." Freddie said, tightening his grip, if only slightly. "I love you, too." 


End file.
